What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 00:36
My family never makes their pension either.
Put me off passion for life!!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
This is soul school!.
Horoscope for Tuesday, June 03, 2025 - Chicago Sun-Times
But ive been too sick for many years..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why do some people dislike Gilmore girls?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
What ESPN’s Football Power Index is projecting for Big 12 rivals BYU and Utah in 2025 - Deseret News
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
'Mountainhead' Is Most-Watched HBO Original Film Since 'Bad Education' - Deadline
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What did i know ?
If gays can get married, why can't I marry my dog or a cheeseburger?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What baseball stories from the early days of the sport seem too bizarre to be true?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Michael Altenhofen Is NASA Deputy Chief of Staff - NASA Watch
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Ryan Blaney hits right notes in Nashville, lands first Cup Series win of season - NASCAR.com
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
When she asked me how she looked .
State of Play Confirmed for 4th June, 40+ Minutes of PS5 Games - Push Square
Who then, do I blame.?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was seconnd youngest,
She found it foreign!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But, we were locked up after school.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She wouldn,t have been !
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I could never make a relationship work though!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So whats the point in blame.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was very sick at this time too.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I said to her
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He knew the spot.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was scared of men, in general
Was to survive, this bastard.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I write beautiful poetry .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It was going to be , some day.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was in good health!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I will be 64.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I don,t even have a pension.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She married twice! .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We were not on the streets..
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was 9 years of age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Comes on , in middle age.
She loved him until the end.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I have no regrets .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I think the readers, may guess!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Ive learnt so much.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We all went to grammer schools
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And i lived it daily.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
All the time i was locked up.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Would this be the day?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im still living with it.
So, i spoilt her more .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One cannot live in the past .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why did i forgive my father ?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I waited trembling.